Journal entry 1: Crystals
Chirasha Brought me and a few other people to find our crystals. she said we would know if the crystals were ours if we felt drawn to it. As soon as we got there, people started feeling there crystals. I on the other hand felt nothing. So i just picked up a random crystal and brought it to chirasha and said that i found mines. she told me that it wasn't the one for me and explained why. So i went back into the cave thinking that my case was hopeless. As i walked around though, i saw a dark path that i never noticed before. though i didn't think it wise to go down the path, i couldn't help but go. As i walked i saw a Bright blue light at the end of the path signalling the opening. so i started walking a bit faster. What i also noticed, which surprised me, was that the closer i got to the light, my pendant changed more from green to the same Blue light that i saw at the end of the path. that never happened before and i was interested in what was going on. I kept walking and by the time i got to the blue light, my crystal was completely the same color blue as the light, and it was glowing off my chest. I got closer to the glowing blue crystal and touched it. I got a weird vision of my mother. she wasn't fine though. she was being choked in mid-air and i dont remember anything like that happening. It scared me for a second but i opened my eyes again by the sound of one of the other padawans voice aproaching behind me. I knew that this was the crystal i wanted. I then ran back out from the dark path and noticed that my pendant turned green once more. i walked up to chirasha and told her what happened. She followed me along with 3 other padawans as i demonstrated how my pendant reacted to the crystal. she said that this was the one for me and i happily took the crystal and placed it in my belt.
Journal Entry 2: Failure
I went on a mission with chirasha and laveda to rescue two padawans that were being held hostage by mandalorians. Thankfully Avi Loan me an extra lens so i could add the finishing touches to my saber. Chirasha gave us the briefing then we were off. When we got there, we tried to remain hidden but they found out our locations. We then had a brief talk with them then we walked off. We quickly ran into a building. Thats all i remember. I wasn't expecting us to run into that building. so i was gunna keep walking. But when they ran, i started following. unfortunately i was too slow. I heard a rocket. then next thing i knew i woke up in the med room back at the academy. When i awoke, I felt angered. I had a chance to prove myself and i ended up failing. Sometimes it hurts me when i think about my failures. i always keep these feelings to myself however and im planning tokeep it that way. these are personal things that are thoughts that are dear to me. I cant fail again. I must push my self to my limits. I dont need anyone to be my friend. I just ant to learn what i have to learn and do what i have to do. I will remain to myself from now on. i fear that making connections with others will only weaken me more than i feel i already am.
Journal Entry 3: Confused
Today Daedlus took me and cycero on a hologram training program. I saw this as another oppurtunity to prove myself. We were on a train and we had to make our way to the front to rescue 3 prisoners. So me and cycero started off. We enetered the first train where the station was where we had to deactivate the electric ramp. We went in and we saw our first enemies. they had blaster pistols and started shooting at us. Me and cycero went in and started attacking. I was shot down first from one of them. I saw that as a warning that all i had to do was focus. so i got back in. Cycero was continuing without me, so i just joined back and started again. During the whole time i didnt count how much times cycero got shot down but i myself got shot down 3 times. After that i was angered. I kept it to myself though. i figured that if i can transfer my anger into what im doing it would help me focus more. And i was surprised to see that it did keep me focused the rest of the way. I found a sequence in the enemies and i went off it. they were all vulnerable the first second after they fire there blasters. so i took this to my advantage and as soon as they fired, i had a second or two to take them down and that helped me proceed. All on my mind was to destroy them all. When we finally got to the last car, there was the three prisoners and a dark jedi standing in front of them. When we got in Cycero started to talk to him. For some reason though i couldnt focus. all i wanted to do was destroy the dark jedi and end this right here and now. It was like i was in my own world. I saw there mouths moving but i didnt hear any words coming out and i felt like i was about to blow up inside. thats when i felt the comforting warm heat of my pendant tucked underneath my robes. I looked down at it and saw a faint light. It was very wierd. I saw a quick image of what looked like my mother flash in front of my eyes. I was wondering if cycero or the dark jedi just saw what happened. I continued to stare into my pendant. I felt safe with it. Thats' when i started hearing voices again and looked up to see that i was still in the hologram. I caught on to the conversation and tried to cover up before anyone noticed anything strange about me. I quickly jumped into the conversation and started following what i felt was right. I tried to turn the dark jedi back to the light but it was still hard to focus after what just happened so i didnt notice the prisoner trynna struggle. i just saw him Kill the prisoner. After that i said enough. I told him to take me and let the 2 prisoners go. We ended up failing the mission due to the fact we lost a prisoner. I felt like i ruined another chance to prove myself and was highly dissapointed in myself. Deadlus said we did good at certain points but that wasn't enough for me. i cant progress if i keep failing. I must go to the extremes next time. I have to focus more on my self and my skills. I will prove myself next time. I will work myself past my limits. I refuse to be weak and i will become the most powerful jedi in this academy. then people will understand and appreciate my skills.
[Will be updated for every major roleplay we do in game]
Subject: Korran Starseekers Private journal 
Fri Apr 09, 2010 2:04 pm
